why am i still so stupid about this
why am i still so stubborn about this
why am i still losing sleep about this
why am i still thinking about this
why am i still shaking thinking about this

why am i still writing about this, when nothing i write would matter, in fact, none of the things above makes a difference

why
fucking eric
why

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
... he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
... because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
... and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
... and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
... took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
... with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
... Valentine signed with a row of X's
... and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it.

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
... he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
... because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
... and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
... because of its new paint
And the kids told him
... that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
... with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
... when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
... his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
... when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper from his notebook
... he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
... because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
... and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
... because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
... of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
... making out on the back proch
And his mother and father never kissed
... or even talked
And the girl around the corner
... wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
... but he kissed her anyway
... because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
... his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
... he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
... because this time he didn't think
... he could reach the kitchen.